The Sound of Music.  A story of unstoppable love?  Maybe.  A man escaping the war in which he believes nothing?  I guess?  A story of which I know nothing?  Definitely. 

The movies have created in me an impossible goal.  I have tried to fight it all my life--I do not want a stereotype of aspirations.  But, as is proved in me now, I am affected.  I want that unstoppable love.  I'm not even sure what it feels like or if I'll notice it, but I am still hopeful and hopeless all at once.  I do not know the feeling so I cannot envision it happening. Not really.  I have long hair in those fantasies.  No way they come even the slightest true.  

Yet. I declare my worth, privately, to myself and convince myself--it's out there and pretending otherwise will inevitably prove foolish. 

And I cry.  I cry a lot.  All this time I dismissed something I thought terrifying. And now I want it.  Another expected role I've denied.  And now I want it. 

Perhaps, my "way" is forever changing.