i found myself in accidental search of you.

it's good to feel deserving. i don't really know why i ever felt less than worthy. i know i can't have everything i want... but, dammit, i'm getting close. love has always driven me. i've given up a lot of me for things other men wanted or needed. i don't want that to be a condition of someone's love for me again. it's a bit of a catch, though. i mean, i don't want to be expected to sacrifice for someone else and if i don't, be ridiculed for it. and, at the same time, if my lover really is my lover, then he will want to sacrifice for me and, in turn, i'll want to give everything to him. although no sacrifice will be necessary. we'll be gaining so much more than either would lose.

i want to make you so happy... and it's partly a result of how happy you want to make me... how happy you MAKE me. i can't wait until i can get to the business of being blissful with you. i want not to worry about time tables. i want only to be... happy. no need to marry or make public proclamations (although, i want the world to know); i don't think it will be difficult to discern from the outside.

i don't ask Fate questions anymore. i don't care to determine where you came from or where you've been. i only care that you are here. and i want to revel in the present in the future... everyday. i can't wait to get there. i'll keep my patience under control as often as possible. my skin longs to know yours so badly that my fingers explode at the thought of being on your cheek.

/sigh.

soon.