loneliness

lonely... a feeling? does that make it a noun? can i touch or see it? no... i can't even hear that bitch coming. it's elusive and sneaky. lonely is when there isn't anyone to count on. lonely is terrifying. it's screaming quiet in my head. it's a deadly sin if ignored. it's like harboring a criminal if dwelled upon. it's at its worst when it creeps upon me when i'm with those i care about... most. i'm with them and i can't seem to enjoy it because i'm desperate to fill a void... that only i can fill but, if they could see, my eyes seek out their filling. i know... i know... it's the recipe of failure... i know... but, how do i change it? how to i replace it with contentment? how do i exhale? i can't even do that without a mist growing in my tear ducts. i hate that... i hate being a fucking girl all the time. i want to just be... nothing more. content. i just want to be content. and, i am... mostly. that's good.... right? why should i be so greedy as to expect more? because i want it. i guess i'm just greedy... maybe... just maybe... one day i'll be lucky.

the warmth of your arms is swelling.

but, the distraction in your eyes

leaves me wasted on dwelling.