broken heart?

i think i might have a broken heart. no. a boy did not brake it. i think... it's disappointment. it's reality. it's high expectation and low delivery. i officially have lost my innocence. hope is broken... not my hope... just hope as an idea. i might have a broken heart. i think life has broken it. i can feel it swell and throb with my over active emotions. i can feel its aching... its misery. i can smell the burning. i hate... its sensitive nature. i hate its weakness. i'm not sure how to heal it. i don't have a patch or potion. it's not so easy. my strength weakens with misunderstanding... my eyes bleed from suspicion. i hate it. a wailing here a sniffling there... does nothing to mend anything. clear tears fall on my hot skin... with no cooling effects.

does everyone living have a broken heart? is that too romanticised a notion? is it too gloomy? is it too real... maybe. maybe the slow beat that is my norm has caught up with me. maybe i really need an increase in blood pressure... maybe i need some surprise. less disappointment... more life... less... lost love. but, to be alive is to live with regret and disappointment and hope that there is more good than bad... is that accurate? i don't know for certain.

the only thing i know for sure is that i am alone in my inner battle. i'm the only freedom fighter. i'm the only loyalist. i'm battling myself. i'm losing either way. or winning. i'm the only one on the planet that can control any of it. i'm the only one who understands me... even if it is just a little.

i'm a... lone.

Taylor Swift- You're Not Sorry

All this time I was wasting,
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down
And it's taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again,
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no ohhh

Looking so innocent,
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no, ohhh

You're not sorry no no ohhh

You had me falling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no ohhh

You're not sorry, no no ohhh