bigger person?

i can rationalize anything. or can i? i cannot rationalize fighting. i just can't. i could go to extreme lengths to seek revenge. it would only harm me. it would only cost me money. it would only harm other people. it wouldn't satisfy anything. i would only drown my lungs in thick black solitude. it would push people away from me, farther... further? who cares.

contemplates
with haste.
he drapes himself
in waste.

ticks his pen
on the desk
and twists his mind,
grotesque.

i fucking give in. ya know... i mean fuck it, right? i just want the growing embers burning in my gut to extinguish. rather, i'd like to have them spread to my chest. i'd like to feel so vulnerable... not used and abandoned.

this time... it's just me. i rely on just me.

ugh. fucker. i hate that like a thief in a dark alley he's stolen my sense of writing right from my fingertips. he's cunning. he's allocated all his mission readiness to my defeat. he's given himself a task that he aims to complete. he will. i'm certain. i'll give in. i already have. i'm like a dove waiting for her cage to be mistakenly left open. i've gotten free before... but, the door wasn't open and i just fluttered around the room. i banged on the walls and only ended up bruised. now, though, the fucking windows are broken and there is no stopping me. i'll soar as high as the atmosphere will allow. i'll dance with the sunset's rays and glide with leaves blowing in the wind. i'll be free. free as a bird.