requiem for a sour lullaby

what a blunder, this sleepless somber summer
vatic thunder shudders, awakening slumber
of what's come out from under...
muttered stutters never uttered.

shunned frozen like the cold hands held,
stunned to be chosen, two bold eyes to weld....

you woke up, like any other morning,
carried your filth into the shower.
didn't even think about what had happened to me
didn't even start to weigh the force of its power.
then, crying a bit, while you remembered,
after sighing a bit, just as your brain triggered.
taking just a moment to reflect
then, snapped back from where you'd went
after rinsing the pain away
and cleansing the dirt from your conscience,
(so you wouldn't be distracted).
you went about your day,
didn't worry about such wallowing nonsense
and the lives it had impacted.
questions arose of your suffering,
and, you didn't know i was watching,
you shrugged your shoulders
smiled at other's condolence
pretended to be full of sadness
but retracted from morning's madness
adorning God with reasons "why"
shutting everyone out from what's really inside...
you arrived home, resting to erase the louche parts,
breathing relief of your lost burden.

you welcomed exercise to your condemned withering heart
and chuckled at the absence of tension.
but, love knows i'm hurtin',
at the sight of your misfortune,
though not a reason, not one, to feel pity
for someone who, apparently, doesn't even miss me.

don't read this requiem
to embellish your contempt,
truth be told in dreams.
i am the narrator to garnished tales of scorn
and yours is seeping from its seams
in bloody streams with fizzling screams.

you need not ponder my existence,
or wonder just what of the seemingly fictitious repentance.
just pray for forgiveness
at what you've, for years, called salvation.
and the obvious misplaced acceptance
of brain power, misused, deceptions.

hope for the afterlife
and your painless sobbing strife
that He didn't notice
lack of devotion,
imbalance of speeding recovery,
the principality you've chosen
simply out of envy.
shadow the crimes of skin,
hide your shameful nameless sin,
where your disrupted mind's focus has been,
the blankets of cold lies,
and how your heart didn't bother to cry
the day after i died...