better as a memory

i wonder... are my desires better sealed in my fantasies? should i leave them in their hiding place? i'm not sure i deserve to get what i want... and when i get it, will i want it? will i destroy some one? will i ruin everything? why do i find these cracks in life? why? why can't i just jump over them...

i can resist this thing i want. i think about it at all times. i want it at all times. i can see it when i close my eyes. as if it were painted behind my eyelids, it's a picture i have never had, will never have, but will always want.

is it a problem? is my restlessness a problem? is it a sin? don't answer. you'll be wrong, certainly. i can rationalize anything. i can make sense of it all. i'd be wrong... but all i know is what i'm told... and what i tell myself. i can believe anything.

it's never over until you let go
it's never beginning until you let go