noise. helps me to focus and dulls the screaming in my head, momentarily. silence comes and the beautifully aching cramps throbbing deep in my chest increase. i almost can't sit still. i have to get up. i have to rustle paper and make noise. it's empty in this building. i don't want time to think. i want to avoid. i'm content ignoring it. no, no i'm not. i want to wrap my arms around you, feel my face in your hands and lips on my own. i want to walk beside you and hold your hand. i want to be unashamed. unabashed by my affections. suffocated by the miles between us, my lungs fill with empty air. this thing between us is both electrifying and discouraging. it's unattainable. it's out of reach. it's devastating. i'm devastated.

silence comes...

i feel helpless.
i can't stop it now,
i can't stop my fall.

i'll resist but, the arrows
will find your love
restless in my heart.

my dreams tip the rim
and bleed all over daylight.
i choke them back.

i'll resist but, my affections,
unabashed and adoring,
ache beautifully
in my chest.

i feel helpless.
without warning
i've fallen all over.
without warning...
i'm yours.

noise comes... and i relax.