I am in a state of constant happy. I'm finding that the need to write for therapy is not needed with so much happiness around me. I have also shifted to running for therapy over the last several years. Though, thoughts, reasons and the processes or paths my brain follows to sort things out are often lost on the road, which is okay most of the time. The results of such self evaluations remain. I revisit here and there the problems that arise, and how to work through them. I do think about how I once loved and relied upon writing as a means of self-reflection. I miss it, so sometimes I sit and try to write. That isn't always effective. Almost never, actually. I've always needed for it come organically, often while driving because my brain wanders while driving.

Now, I have this man. This man. He "mans" more than any man I've ever know has "manned". I know that sounds silly, and like I must be telling you a joke, but I'm completely serious. We can argue what makes a real man, and there are nuances here and there, but some traits are undeniable.

Strength (and I don't mean physical), compassion, reason and action. This man possess each of these traits in marvelous fashion. He is strong. He can admit his weaknesses (and what's more strong than humility?). He is kind to all. He is understanding. HE IS A FEMINIST. He does what he says. That last one seems like such a simple thing, but it is something that men and women repeatedly screw up. He is smart. He blows my mind with the knowledge he has, and he does research, which is always to be respected. He respects people. He recognizes hard work. He can identify his failings, and better yet, work on them. That takes strong character, as any person who's spent time growing themselves can admit. He's generous. He is sexy in ways I never knew possible.

I could go on and on about all of the positive traits he possesses, and seems to do so naturally and effortlessly.

Here's the thing--He loves me. Undeniably. There is no question in my mind or anyone else's when they see a picture of us, see us together, or hear me talk about him--he loves me and I love him. He also shares my love of running. He also shares this desire to express himself. These loves/desires seem to be needs for us both.

Though, as of late, I have had trouble fully expressing my feelings for him. There just doesn't seem to be enough words, the right phrases, or sadly, time. We are both such busy people and my spare time I prefer to spend staring into his eyes and sharing experiences with him. I've found the one. Who knew, right!? Is it enough to say, "I never want anyone else. I want you forever." Is that enough!? Somehow I feel he would say so, but I'm not satisfied.

I am luckier beyond belief. I will not take him for granted. I will quiet my mind and body when I am with him. I will breathe in each moment slowly, inhaling all the love he spreads upon the air around me. I will have my own failings, but I trust he will love me anyway. I will spend the rest of my life ensuring he knows how much I love him.

THE REST OF MY LIFE.