I'm watching summer leave like it's my life.  The air cools and I sweat less, the leaves change and my tan fads, the grass dies and my heart aches.  I'll hide my face in scarves, and put away my bikini.  I'll bury my tears in cold, and warm them only when I sleep. Alone.

The sun no longer warms my soul.  I don't know how to say goodbye to this ridged girl.  I've got too much practice in repairing, too much mending. The walls I fear, are permanent.  I don't have the keys to the gate. I lost them or they were stolen. I can't make it one hour without tears. So fucking stupid. Such a stupid girl. I bring it upon myself although I claim to be okay. I've burned and reborn myself so often–the scar tissue is ugly and painful.  I think this burnout may be my last. I don't think I can take it again. My days as a phoenix are certainly numbered.

The weight of this year has left me hardened.  I don't want the burden of me anymore.  Why would anyone else?  If I'm going to make it, I have to fall in love with me.  I can't even look in the mirror.

"You're a force of nature."

Bullshit.