Why does it feel like we made it official, and suddenly caught the plague. Our disease is eating away at one another. The closer we get.. the further we are from happy.

I realized something sobering last night. I put all my eggs in one basket. A basket that was supposed to with stand eternity... or at least my eternity. Well, the bottom fell out, or it caught on fire or something. Either way, my fucking eggs are spoiled.

Useless.

I'm terrible at this "girlfriend" thing. I don't know what I'm thinking. It will only end, and probably journey, into pain. Maybe I'm too demanding. Maybe I don't know me. Maybe I'm a fucking idiot. All I know for sure is I feel like crap. I'm so tired of waiting for other people to make me feel good. One would think I would have figured it out after all these years.

Life has dealt me awful awful cards. Not the worst a person could have, but not even decent. Why do I continue to hope I'll get an Ace once in a while? Why am I so fucking foolish? I'm just a ghost here. I'm not even a likable person anymore.

I gently float
on my limits.
Pushing and
pressing
softly.

Loving
dysfunctional,
and weeping
for it
woefully.

Gliding
and misleading,
the strings of my
heart
foolishly.

I'll continue to
depress my love
in longing.
I'll keep it from
mending.

I know nothing else.