nature vs. nurture

i have every reason to run, to shut down, to guard myself, or to just simply... not try. but i don't. that's not ME. everything that has happened in life suggests that i would be an emotionally barred person... distant and empty. nurture would demand it. nurture would say "every man will leave you." this has been method. traditionally... men leave me. i've known only one to stay.

nurture would suggest otherwise what nature forces. i am not emotionally barred. my heart is fluid. it beats with your every breath. it's bated. it's stifled... it's impatient waiting for you to be you. it's tired. my heart hurts for her own reality. it's hurts for my object to overcome me. but i wait... i wait with my nature in silence, my emotions in solace, my heart in chains... it's not me. my nature is giving, loving, showing, sharing... it's not waiting.

i just don't know where i am anymore. i'm stuck in a place i don't welcome. i'm so unhappy.

i believe my nurture would have shut me down. my nature helps me to understand that a broken heart is another emotion. another emotion that i am capable of overcoming.

i can mend and move on. i will... just fucking tell me to do it. and i will.

fuck.