closure is an elusive beast. it comes unexpected sometimes. i'm certain not everyone welcomes closure. some people would be content forever lingering and being miserable in the process. i'd like to think i am not one of these people. even though i often have tunnel vision. when my mind is set on something... it is set on that thing alone. i will beat it to death. however, closure is welcome. it is a necessary part of my life. i'm not always eloquent in my speech. i stumble frequently. however, in print i am at my best. still, i lack luster at times, and my point is not always broadcast as well as i'd like. but, i'm better here. on this screen or on paper is where i find myself more often than in verbal conversation.

over the course of the last year my life has changed drastically. and i am happier and better for it. i've learned much about myself that i think will help me to be a more adjusted and kind person. i've also come to learn much about my friends. a few months ago, a friend, who i thought was close to me, broke up with me. he did not see our relationship in the same light as i. it's a shame. it's a very sad ordeal. i've toiled and pined over it for weeks saddened by its loss, i've rolled over events in my head a dozen times... hoping something would magically change because i knew it was out of my hands. it was in his hands. small occurrences led me to believe that friendship was possible. now, i know it is not. it is the opposite.

closure. closure is something i've needed to put it all behind me. he gave me closure. several paragraphs of uncensored emotion... unashamed accusation, and down right hurtful words have given me closure. i will long for his approval no more. i feel very good about it now. i am happy and a friend that doesn't appreciate that is not a friend but in fact someone i do not want to know. i am happy. that is enough for me.

so i will not wrestle with who did what or what could have been done differently... no more. no more wishing words had not been said. it's done. and for that... i thank him.

i'm ok now.