i make mistakes. my personality is far from perfection. i'm flawed... same as everyone else. however, i try. i try hard. i know there are always more things i could be doing to be kinder, healthier, stronger, wiser and more considerate. but, i try. i think that's very important. trying. it's like having hope. without hope... without effort, there is no point.

so, i don't think i ask for too much. i might... who knows. none of us see ourselves the way others might. but, i have self-esteem. i know what i deserve. and what i deserve consists of a few simple things.

i deserve to appreciated. i want someone to want to be with me. i want someone to be proud to know me... to be my friend or otherwise. i want the people i care about to notice if i'm not around. i don't want them to fall apart, but, i want them to care if i'm gone.... or if i leave. it's a hard pill to swallow when love is the opposite. i've lived it... years of it. years of being left. years of toughening up, sucking it up and being a good little wife. years of his embarrassment when he held my hand or walked down the street with me. years of his refusal to compromise. he didn't care all the times he left me. he didn't care when i finally left him... once. i can't live thinking i could be left alone at any minute and i'd be the only one affected.

security. it's something which i've never had the luxury.

i think that's reasonable. i hope.

i promise myself i won't feel that way again.