my desire consists of one thing

i can still smell you
on my hands
in my hair

my nipples ache
from your mouth
on me

i can still feel you
gripped in my hand
stiff and firm

i can still hear you
i get anxious
very anxious
when you whine

i want you more
i want to lay naked
run your rough hands up my sides
grip my hip bones
slap my ass if
you wish

please...
under the stars,
make me plead for it...

you know exactly what i want. i've expressed it several times. it's clear. what do you want? it's part of my desire... to know. eloquence is not required. simple sentences will suffice. you can whisper it... i'll listen closely, i promise. i'll close my eyes... breathe deep, and listen. then act. simple requests. only kind i have. keep a secret and ravage me. your only tasks. ravage me. ravage me. ravage me.

i could spend a year writing these. i could spend more than a year. will i exhaust myself? that's one to ponder. i'm dangling on the brink of danger... playing with the flames of hell. it's exciting... and yet i'm fearful. change is scary. will i breathe on my own? will i suffocate? i'm underground. will i spend my life trying to surface? i'm suffocating now. i can't look back on my life and wonder which part belonged to me. i can't. i need it all to belong to me. my selfishness needs it. must have it. must. i'm sure to learn the most of myself in a crisis. tragedy becomes me, i think. but... does poor decision making define me? not sure.

i am sure, however, i can't spend the rest of my life not saying what i need to say. and what i need to say... right now... is... more... harder... more... harder. and... i need to scream. from a mountain... as loud as i can. i'll do anything for freedom... i'll do anything for anything.

"All emotions are pure which gather you and lift you up; that emotion is impure which seizes only one side of your being and so distorts you."
Rainer Maria Rilke

interesting.