the dalai lama said western love was undefined because "we look to the future with present feelings." this makes my mind clear. i've spent a few years trying to feel what i once felt for only moments. it is gone.
i want to go back there.
correction: i want to want to go back there.
i want to be myself again. she's been caged far too long. i can't keep her there any longer. i love her too much. she's out. she's ragin'. i can't stop it. i can't sit and watch TV. i can't pretend anymore. i can't. i can't. i want a life alone. i've been lying to myself too long. i've been lying to everyone too long. the picture perfect that is us... will shatter. i will disappoint. i will cry. i will pity myself. i will. i know. it's inevitable. it will happen.
i've always known this isn't me. i don't belong here. i belong in the sunset. that's my home. i need it. i want it.
oh my god. i think i might explode. i think i might just erupt. i'm in the fire. i don't want to be cooled. i want to burn up. i want to... die of smoke inhalation. it feels so good. so intoxicating.
the worst thing?
i'm going to crush him.
No comments:
Post a Comment