"You were red,

and you liked me because I was blue. 

But you touched me,

and suddenly I was a lilac sky. 

And you decided purple just wasn't for you. 

And now he's so devoid of color, he don't know what it means."

Jealous that isn't mine. 

Lonely is healing if you make it

I am more than:

legs

abs

body

sex
arm candy
a pretty face

I am worth more than what you see.  I don't repeat this for anyone other than me.  I don't need to convince anyone of my worth, other than me.

I repeat this for me.  For years decades I didn't realize it myself.  I still need a constant reminder that the mirror does not define me.  Society, and even my parents, convinced me that:

-No one will love you if you gain any weight.
-Skinny is beautiful.
-Women are meant to be soft, not strong.
-You should pluck your eyebrows.
-Don't smile with your teeth, it shows your gap.
-He teases you because he likes you.
-He's hard on you because he cares.
-He can and will treat you like shit because he doesn't know how else to deal with his emotions.
-You can change him.  You can help him if you just stick it out.  Be patient.
-If you don't give them what they want, they will leave you.

The right people will know my worth.  I won't have to define it for them.  They'll love me for me, and I'll be happy.

I keep repeating this for me.  Over and over until it's finally set in my brain.  I'll likely see Death's face before I stop, and that's okay.  Because I'm not perfect, and I don't have to be.  I just have to be me.  Me is fucking rad.

When Harry met Sally

I used to think men and women could be friends. I held a long friendship with a man until recently. Now I'm of the opinion that I can be friends with a guy, but I'm not so sure there are many that can be my friend. Unless they are married, and if not, they aren't close friendships. 

99% of men who have been or claimed to have been my friend, have really just been waiting. Waiting until I offer more. If I don't offer more, they eventually stop being my friend. It might take weeks, months or even years, but it happens 99% of the time. This stat could eventually escalate to 100%, but I'm still alive. It's pretty sad.

This habit men have leaves me pretty disgruntled.  More than upset, but genuinely sad. Sad that I lose friendships and that it seems perhaps all I have to offer is my sexuality. It's easy to slip into this thinking when, if I don't offer what that 99% of men want from me, I'm useless and they go away. 

Well fuck. That sucks. 

Don't date someone's phone.

If you've spent any time with me, you've heard me say, "dating is the worst."  Totally a true statement, but something dawned on me last night that can make that a bit misleading. 

I started dating when phone calls still happened.  You had to talk on the phone because you can't spend every day together, just not logical.  If someone said something that offended you, it was obvious and you'd either talk it out and come to a resolution or you didn't. Either way, discussion was had.  Phone calls remove the physical distractions that come with dating.  You get to know someone better I feel.  You focus on their tone of voice, laugh, inflections and it's easier to notice when they get excited about something. 

Now, we date through text. We're able to plan out each and every communication. There's not as much slips of the tongue, it's less natural, and, I'm totally guilty of this too, if someone says something that I don't like I can just choose to not respond. They don't respond, we never talk again.  You miss so much by dating in text, it's not surprising relationships are so short and easy to detach from now. 

So, my point is, if you like that girl or guy, call them on the phone.  Talk for hours, argue with your voices not your fingers, and give them quality time.  Read the same book, maybe to each other, go places where you sit and look at each other. Focus on your lover's facial expressions. Fall in love with their little flaws. 

I could say so much more on the topic, but seriously, just don't date someone's phone. 

On the same but different note... Don't date someone who cannot shut the fuck up.  I feel social media has created a sense, "everyone wants me opinion all the time."  I know it's ironic for me to say so as I've blogged on and on, but no one reads this, so while I am grandstanding a bit, i do have a point. Especially if you've dated lately. People do not stop talking enough to breathe. 

Breathe. Talk. Listen.