Living life like a foster kid. I don't know how to change. 

Forgiveness is not free. Why's this still surprising people. 

just try to see me

I am almost always on my own.

I have a lonely way about me. There is a distance in my conversation with others.  I bob and weave personal questions, only giving up vague information.  I disappear at parties on my own, sometimes don't say goodbye when leaving, and avoid eye contact for prolonged periods.  I might be forgettable. I don't intend such.  I was raised to project strength--to BE strong.  It is my weakness.

Takes a different kind of person to see me.  Time and effort are required to break through this stupid hardened shell that I cannot shed.  I play my cards close to my chest. I don't know how to just let people see me.  So many have been careless. They think I don't hurt. I suppose I know the reasoning.  Well, I still feel fucking crummy.

So annoying that it's basically my fault.

Runner's High

Brittle pink and pumping,
my poison darts.
Little veins throbbing,
tissue-roped remorse.

Sticky sins dissolving
past red paved pasts.
Crinkled confused cadence
pulsing a proper path.

Brilliant and burning,
fire under my feet.
Measured steady striding,
rhythmic solid beats.

Swaying and dancing
with muscled scars.
The high seducing
my sweet red heart.