i hate the taste of tears.
they bubble in my eyes.
and burn cuts on my face.
black rain drops
streak my cheeks.
they reach the corners
of my mouth and sneak in.
i hate the taste of sadness.

the words i write are not intended to manipulate. why do i feel this is somehow their undesired result? is my "gift" of written word not that at all? but a rather sharp weapon guilty of unintentional sabotage? i can force someone to see something they would otherwise refuse. then, minds are changed... feelings hurt, possibly. and lives altered. no, not intended. the intended is inspiration... thought provocation. phrases like "what are you thinking?" are attempts to collect said hopeful inspiration. however, feedback is not necessary, but no doubt, welcome. i often pause in conversation in an effort to find proper words to express myself. this only fills my own need to be heard and surely not some conscious plot to extract the answer i want... right? i don't know who i'm asking. i don't think i'll get answer... this, this is an answer i'd like to know. it is not a random question posed to no one. it is also not intended for one single soul. still, i don't bate my breath for a response.

a life alone is not a life at all, it seems.
_______________________________

i've yet to decypher the meaning in the song, but i find it sad and beautiful. the music... erotic and sensitive.

Closer- Kings of Leon

Stranded in this spooky town
Stoplight is swaying and the phone lines are down
Snow is crackling cold
She took my heart, I think she took my soul
With the moon I run
Far from the carnage of the fiery sun

Driven by the strangle of vain
Showing no mercy I'd do it again
Open up your eyes
You keep on crying
Baby I'll bleed you dry
Skies are blinking at me
I see a storm bubbling up from the sea

And it's coming closer
And it's coming closer

You shimmy-shook my boat
Leaving me stranded all in love on my own
Do you think of me
Where am I now
Baby where do I sleep
Feels so good but I'm old
2000 years of chasing taking its toll

And it's coming closer
And it's coming closer
And it's coming closer
And it's coming closer

save me

i often sing this song in the car or at home. i listen to the words and imagine who they apply to... who would i save? and, on the way to work today, i realized i ought to be singing in front of a mirror. i want so badly to be saved by someone. i need to rescue myself.

Save You- Kelly Clarkson

I can tell
I can tell how much you hate this
And deep down inside you know it's killing me
I can call wish you well and try to change this
But nothing I can say would change anything

Where were my senses?
I left them all behind
Why did I turn away?
Away

I wish I could save you
I wish I could say to you
I'm not going nowhere
I wish I could say to you
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright

Didn't mean
Didn't mean to leave you stranded
Went away cause I didn't want to face the truth
Reaching out
Reach for me
Empty handed
You don't know if I care
You're trying to find the proof

There were times I'd wonder
Could I have eased your pain?
Why did I turn away?
Away

I wish I could save you
I wish I could say to you
I'm not going nowhere
I wish I could say to you
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
Save you
It's gonna be alright
I wish I could save you

We can pretend nothing's changed
Pretend it's all the same
And there will be no pain
Tonight

It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
Save you

It's gonna be alright
I wish I could save you
I'm not going nowhere
I wish I could say to you
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
Save you
It's gonna be alright
I wish I could save you
It's gonna be alright

trust. i just want to be trusted. i'm not. instead... emotions are censored and overdone as they are released to me. my emotions are raw, irrational at times and real.

which is the sin?

shaping your thoughts to fit into a perfect safe emotional box? editing your feelings so that no one ever sees you? i mean REALLY sees you?

or, honest and often expression of true feeling? it might be irrational at times, but it's most important trait is honesty. the best part... everyone knows how i feel. could also be seen as the worst part. but, i can't spend my entire life being scared for someone to see me... really see me. i'm more terrified that i will never be seen.

so, i'll put myself out there. i'll make sure i'm not terrified of everyone the rest of my life. i'll trust others with my heart. and, if it gets broken, i'll mend it.